Life & Love with a Police Officer

Most people don't understand how emotionally draining and how much of a roller coaster being in love and starting a life with a police officer is like.

"From the outside looking in, you can never understand it. From the inside looking out, you can never explain it."

Before I started dating my fiance, I knew quite a few women who lived that life and my cousin was one I was close with. She has a 2 year old daughter, another baby on the way and a husband who is a detective on the same department as Jason. She constantly tells me that she feels like Superwoman some days because her husband gets called into work or has to work the night shift during the week while she takes care of her daughter by herself. When my cousin and I started hanging out a lot more, I came over to her place for dinner one night while her husband was working. Jason and I don't have any kids yet, so I really didn't know how much work a child is to begin with, but seeing everything my cousin had to that night was eye opening. She constantly tells me "Make sure you are ready for this when you have kids."

I've read a few of books about being in the law enforcement life to try and deal with it head on. There's nothing normal about it. Many nights are spent cooking dinner by myself, taking care of all three dogs (they are nothing like children, but still a handful) and sleeping alone. His schedule is constantly rotating and most weekends out of the year are spent working. Anything that I need to get done when he is working or because he is sleeping after he gets off work, I have to do myself. That only covers those like Jason on the patrol schedule. I can't imagine how stressed my cousin gets when her husband gets called out in the middle of dinner or a family outing.

I've noticed lately that because we talk mainly over text when he is on the night shift, that there is a communication gap. I constantly go to talk to him about something on his days off and he looks at me funny and I completely forget that I never mentioned it to him to begin with! This happens because he works in the worst sector, so I never get more than 5 minutes without some criminal interrupting. I get the "Can I call you back... *CLICK*" because he has to rush off to a call. It's frustrating but I learned early on that it's just the way communication goes when he is working.

There's also the issue of "the attitude", something else my cousin warned me about. The attitude is the way Jason talks to me after getting off work or when he's severely agitated about something that probably happened at work. There are days Jason will say something so rude or mean to me and I have to look at him, count to ten, and say "please re-evaluate what you just said to me." or "please don't talk to me like I'm a criminal." and usually he will snap back at me and then apologize a few minutes later. 90% of the time I can deal with this because I know it's just the cop attitude from dealing with scum of the earth all day/night, but it's something you just have to get yourself accustomed to dealing with. It's not about allowing a man to disrespect you, it's about knowing that you love him enough to coax him back to reality because it's not him talking to you that way.

No one ever wants to get the call. The call that your officer has been in an accident or a shooting, or just injured in general. Some women constantly stress themselves out and live in that fear that this could happen any time. Some women don't sleep at night when their officer is at work. I choose not to let that fear consume me. It's not that I necessarily stuff it down and ignore the feeling, but losing sleep and giving myself wrinkles worrying about him is not going to prevent something from happening to him.

"Everything happens for a reason."

I won't straight out lie to the people that read my blog, I do think about the "what ifs" and I do stress myself out some days worrying what I would ever do without Jason. I get emotional to the point that my girlfriends have to snap me back to reality, I just don't make it public. A relationship with a police officer is not for the weak. Any relationship takes communication and understanding, but a law enforcement relationship takes a lot of work. The more you add into the equation (kids, school, pets, planning a wedding, ahem) the harder it gets. There are a ton of resources out there, including "Lives Behind the Badge" by Kristi Neace and "I Love a Cop" by Ellen Kirschman. There are also a ton of websites and groups dedicated to helping spouses and family members deal with the law enforcement life, such as Wives Behind the Badge and National Police Wives Association.

The reason I am writing this post today instead of my regular "Fab Five Tuesday" is because of the emotions surrounding the next two weeks. Two years ago yesterday marked the 2 year anniversary of Jason's friend Tommy getting into his car accident going to a call. It was a long two weeks before he passed away in the hospital on March 9, 2010. Jason and I weren't dating at the time, but he still has his moments when he hears a song or sees something that reminds him of Tommy and he gets real quiet, which is very unlike Jason. I didn't know Tommy, but he meant a lot to the man I love which is why I respect the emotions around this time of year and try to be a part of Tommy's celebrations as much as I can. Kristelle, you are an amazing, strong person and the reason I chose to write this post today. We love you and hope that you are apart of our lives for a long time.

The Police Officer's Prayer
to St. Michael

Saint Michael, heaven's glorious commissioner of police,
who once so neatly and successfully cleared God's premises
of all its undesirables, look with kindly and professional
eyes on your earthly force.

Give us cool heads, stout hearts, and uncanny flair for
investigation and wise judgement.

Make us the terror of burglars, the friend of children and
law-abiding citizens, kind to strangers, polite to bores,
strict with law-breakers and impervious to temptations.

You know, Saint Michael, from your own experiences
with the devil that the police officer's lot on earth is not
always a happy one; but your sense of duty that so
pleased God, your hard knocks that so surprised the
devil, and your angelic self-control give us inspiration.

And when we lay down our night sticks, enroll us in your
heavenly force, where we will be as proud to guard the
throne of God as we have been to guard the city of all
the people. Amen.

Fab Five Tuesday: My Favorite Books

Am I actually back again on Tuesday?! I didn't think it would happen but I'm a little more motivated now when it comes to blogging. As I said before, I am trying to blog more about things other than my weight loss journey. I am going to change this to Fab Five Tuesday because after struggling last week and today, it would probably make posting every single week a lot more manageable :)

Since I got my Kindle Fire on Valentine's Day, this week's Fab Five Tuesday is my 5 favorite books (pre-Kindle)! In no particular order..

1. "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale" by Jenna Jameson

OK, so you're thinking "ew." but actually this is Jenna Jameson's autobiography.

You may not be a fan of her, but her autobiography shows the heart break and troubles she has dealt with over the years. I'm not into celebrities writing books, but this one is very well written. Plus it has pictures :)

2. The Dirty Girls Social Club by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez

I randomly picked up this book in the summer of 2003 because first of all, the cover of a book has to catch my eye. Once it catches my eye, the summary on the back has to intrigue me. I am TOTALLY into the Desperate Housewives-esque books and this one was a juicy Latina novel to die for!

3. 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

I actually first read "7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens" when I was in high school and it was positively motivating. When I got a little older, I read the adult version which was just as good, but pertained more to changing your personal life and working on getting better at your professional life. I can't say enough good things about this book!

4. Marley and Me: Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog by John Grogan

OK, I'm a sucker for a good cover on a book. I bought this because it had a lab on the front cover and I ended up in tears! Seriously, if you saw the movie, the book is 10x better (but isn't that always the case?). OK, maybe I cried because I have always had a Lab in my life, but this book is beautifully written and thinking about the end of the book is making me want to cry now! The movie came out when my yellow lab Daisy was slowly getting worse with age, so needless to say I was hugging her by the end of the movie.

5. Any of the Sookie Stackhouse series books by Charlaine Harris
 Yes, these are the books that inspired the HBO series "True Blood". Brittany got me hooked on the show and on a whim I was at the book store and got the first 8 books. Now, it took me a year to get through 8 books plus the two that came out since they made the bundle but I am HOOKED! I just don't like the fact that the new book from 2011 is 14.99 on Kindle but 7.99 for the paperback. How does that make sense?

Do you have any favorite books? I am always looking for a good new download to add to my Kindle!

Blog Love Therapy: Blog Hop!

Hello Loyal Followers ♥

My friend and fellow blogger MissBrittanyBoo told me about Blog Love Therapy's Blog Hop! It's a way to get some new followers and put your blog out there for new people to read along with finding some new interesting blogs to subscribe to yourself! I'm hoping to attract some new readers so I can get a contest going.




If I can hit 50 followers, I will do a little mini-giveaway! Probably something fitness related since that is the reason I started this blog to begin with ♥

Go Here to start Blog Hoppin'!

Don't forget to subscribe to my blog by hitting "Join this site" at the top left!

My Pinterest Inspired Project!

The past couple weekends I have been crafty in my spare time, especially on Sundays since football is over with! I saw an idea on Pinterest recently and decided to conquer something on my own since I had the black and yellow marbles just laying around.

I decided to blog about this and give you all a run through of how to do it. I've bought a lot of Partylite candles lately and I burned through the big 3 wick jar. I actually didn't realize I could blog about this until after I cleaned out the jar so the pictures are figurative to show you how to do it! It's really easy!

Make-up Brush Holder 

What You'll Need:

-One used candle (how big is your choice)

-Marble fillers (from AC Moore/Michaels)

-Hot Water

-Freezer

-Anything you want to add to the jar (aka ribbon, paint, etc)

1. Pretend this candle is burned down to the bottom. You know the wicks at the bottom and that little bit of wax you can't burn?

2. Stick the candle in the freezer for about 5 minutes!

3. Turn the candle upside down and wa-la! the wax and wicks fall out of the jar!

4. Now, run hot water on the label at the bottom of the jar for a few minutes and it should rub right off. Hot water should also get rid of the excess wax on the sides of the jars. The nice thing about Partylite candles is they burn all the way around to the edges of the jar right away. Unlike other brands where you have to burn the candle for 3-4 hours for that to happen, leaving mounds of wax on the inside walls of the jars.

5. Now you have a clean jar to work with!

6. Take the marble fillers and put them in the jar. The more you can fit in the far the better, just make sure there is enough room towards the top of the jar, so when you add the brushes or products that the marbles don't overflow. At this point you can add any ribbon or paint to the jar. I just did something basic.

7. Add your brushes and you are done! As you can see I don't have many brushes so I added my Mariah Carey Lollipop Bling perfumes. The sad part is those two brushes Brittany donated to me lol. I'm so old school and basic when it comes to make-up, but thanks to her I am working on that!

You can do a million things with this! The more craftier you are feeling, the cuter these can get. I hope you enjoyed this and maybe I inspired you to start a cute little project with used products around the house. :)

Fat Loss Friday! 2/17/2012

Sorry for the late post. This morning was hectic as my Harley girl had a seizure as I was walking out of the door to catch the train. We took her to the Vet and had some tests done so we're hoping it's an isolated incident and the results come back OK tomorrow.

Hope you all didn't miss my fat loss Friday posts too much! As you can tell, I'm in "no-loss-no-gain land" for 3 weeks before I get a big loss because it happened again! The nice little loss on the 3rd week pays off though so I can't get too mad :) Plus, it's motivation for me to push harder. Here's this week's weigh-in:

Last Weigh-In: 129.2

This Week's Weigh In: 127.0

Results: -2.2 lbs

Overall Results: -28 lbs (!!!!)

Do I seriously have 2 pounds to go? If all goes according the plan I will hit my goal before my birthday which would be an AWESOME birthday present to myself. Now, if you have been following along on this journey, you know that my last reward for hitting my ultimate goal is getting a tattoo that I've wanted for awhile now but I just couldn't justify spending the money on (Tattoos are SO expensive!). This involves my favorite pin-up girl Bettie Page. I have it all picked out, I have the artist in mind to do it and now all I need is this one last step! ::crosses fingers::

This week was Valentine's Day and after all the chocolate I ate, I'm suprised I had a big loss. Sunday we went to Chart House in Annapolis with Jason's parents and the Mahi was SOOOO good. It was perfectly portioned too.

Monday I suprised Jason with tickets to the Caps game vs. San Jose. We went to Capitol City Brewery for dinner (and a drink) and then walked over to Verizon Center. The game sucked, the Caps played like crap, but we had fun. It was my first Caps game in FOREVER. My mom and dad took me to a playoff game back in the 90's against Boston when they had the blue and gold uniforms that I'll never forget. Bruins fans were the biggest assholes to us in our own damn house! Anyway....

I'm going to give you the super sappy warning on this upcoming paragraph! Jason sent 2 dozen red roses to my office in good-fiance form AND he suprised me with a Kindle Fire for Valentine's Day. Yes, I am spoiled and I know it. I have to say that I LOVE the Fire. You can get all the apps you get on your phone, you can rent books instead of paying for the entire book, you can use the internet etc. The only part that sucks is there has to be wifi for you to use the apps if you aren't home, but I read my book on the train into work so I don't need the internet.

My first book (that I'm already 70% through) is called "Suck Your Stomach In and Put Some Color On!" and it's pretty much a book about the way Southern Mama's raise their daughters and the author's personal experiences with her mom and raising her kids. Every page I read makes me realize that my mom and my Grandma are Southern Mama's to a T. As Monica says "It's a lifestyle" not necessarily where you are at the moment! A Lifestyle I will one day have! Every day I get a little closer at convincing Jason to eventually move to Georgia or Alabama :)

Tomorrow I am going Bridesmaid dress shopping with my best girls! Hoping we can find something good and keep it simple. It's funny because last night as I was pulling tealights out of my corner cabinet in the living room to use in my new Partylite stuff, a piece of paper fell out. Guess what it was? The alterations receipt from my cousin Erin's wedding in 2008! Do you ever have things happen all of a sudden and you just want to look up and wonder if God had something to do with it? I know it sounds stupid to some (and by all means I am not super religious at all) but this kinda made me feel sappy like someone was trying to remind me that my cousin Erin is an important part of my life. OK I am being WAY too sappy today.

It's a long weekend for me! Not really planning on doing much but going out for Michelle's birthday on Saturday. Hope everyone enjoys their weekend and keep a look out for my next Top Ten Tuesday post! Hoping it's this Tuesday but we will see how much time I have :)

xoxo

My First Top Ten Tuesday!

<3 First off, Happy Valentine's Day! <3

I decided to start a weekly blog series with a Top Ten post on Tuesdays. Each will have a certain subject to them! This week I am going to introduce my Top Ten fitness related items, websites, tools, etc. I wanted to get my blog views up even more and get my blog readers involved. Sorry I am already late. Fail! I wanted to get this out last week, but I just couldn't get the motivation to blog after work.

I took a little advice from my BFF Miss Brittany Boo and might even do a giveaway to get more followers! Hopefully I can keep this weekly series going.

In no particular order, here we go!

Top Ten Tuesday - Fitness Faves!

1. Annapolis Boot Camp

One day during the summer last year I randomly found a LivingSocial deal for a boot camp in Annapolis. This was around the time that I had hit my heaviest weight, so Jason, Christy, and I all purchased the deal to get our butts in gear. Turns out, this has been the best program that I have ever come across. The trainer, Sandra, and the rest of the group were so helpful and supportive even when we were in the 100 degree heat outside that we decided to join long term. We took a brief month or so long break until we decided where we were financially and now we are regular boot-campers. The best part is that Sandra works with you based on your level of experience and no class is the same. I burn at least 600 calories each class. I would suggest this to anyone that can afford it! It is so worth the money and it really helped motivate me to really get in shape and lose the 25 pounds I have already lost. Plus Jason and I have met some great friends from the program!

2. Women's Health (The magazine)

When I had no idea where to start when it came to getting in shape, you know what I did? I was that girl that got every fitness magazine at the drug store. Turns out that I loved Women's Health so much that I got a year long subscription! When I saw that it only cost $14 measly dollars, I was all about it! I read it every month and find out so many good tips on what food to eat, what exercises to do to focus on a trouble zone and weight loss success stories.

3. Under Armour/Nike Workout Shirts

 The trend that I've seen lately from UA and Nike is workout shirts with clever or motivating sayings on them. I have to admit, I love it! Every time I go to the mall I go in the shoe stores like Finish Line and look at what they have. I actually got the one on the right about 2 weeks ago! If it has pink in it, I've gotta have it!

4. Schwaggle.com

So I'm sure you've been to livingsocial.com or groupon.com? Well, this is the same concept! Except this is all fitness related items. I purchased a subscription to Fitness Magazine from the site the other day. I actually came across this site in this month's issue of Women's Health and although they don't have an extensive amount of offers, it's still a good way to get a deal.

5. Planet Fitness

Jason and I joined this gym in Bowie back in January. I used to be a member a few years ago, but cancelled my membership because I just wasn't motivated enough to keep paying them when I wasn't going (lol). Well, we go to Boot Camp 2-3x a week and when my weight loss started slowing down a little, I decided I needed to do some cardio in between my boot camp days to kick it up a notch. Right around New Years, I saw commercials about their $10/month no commitment deal which was perfect! I usually go 2-3x a week and lately I've been working on my timed mile on the treadmill. Not to mention my roommate and my friend Danni also joined so I'm sure I will be seeing them there as well. The great part about this place is that it is a "judgement free zone" basically meaning that all the meat heads are not allowed to join. I don't really care about that because I will just walk around like I own the place (ha) but a lot of people I know that have been members say it was nice to have the judgement free zone.

6. My Fitness Pal (www.myfitnesspal.com)

Seriously, this website/app is my SAVIOR and a way of life! My friend Christy told me about this site back in May last year and it was the first thing I did when I decided to start my weight loss journey. It also has an app on Android and iPhone which makes it so easy to remember to log your meals when you aren't by the computer. The site has all sorts of gadgets. You can count your calories while also seeing specific things you are eating each day (ie: fat, fiber, sodium, sugar, etc) which has helped me a lot because when I start to plateau I look at what I have eaten too much of so I adjust my food intake based on that. You can also log your exercise by searching for the type and entering how many minutes you did that exercise and it gives you a pretty good estimate based on your weight and height. Some things are a little off, like the walking and running part for me, which is why I got a heart rate monitor. The site also allows you to run reports of your food intake and exercise, so you can evaluate it long term if you want to! If you are into message boards, they also have all kinds that you can browse. I'm not into that, but from time to time I do comment on people's messages and make a few new friends!

7. Polar FT4F Heart Rate Monitor

When I hit one of my weight loss goals, I told myself I was going to get a HR Monitor to see how many calories I was actually burning, instead of using My Fitness Pal as a guesstimate. It's a little pricey ($79+shipping on Amazon), but I have definitely put it to use! I bought it back in November and I wear it every time I go to boot camp or to the gym. It's VERY simple and of course it's PINK! There are literally three buttons you need to touch, with no fancy settings. You put the strap under your chest (think: bottom of the bra line) and wear the watch to sync your heart rate. I read a lot of online reviews about other HR Monitors not being "idiot proof" so I took a shot at this one. It's a GREAT tool!

8. Target brand B-12 Pills

I go through these stages during the winter months where I am seriously sluggish every day. It was so bad one year that I literally thought I was going into depression because I just couldn't pull myself off the couch during the week or off the bed on the weekends. Being the open-minded person that I am when it comes to health, I was reading this month's Women's Health and realized that I need to start taking vitamins. I got an adult regular multi-vitamin, but I read in the magazine that B12 is great for boosting the metabolism and for energy. I picked up these pills last week and I am already seeing a difference!

9. Saucony PowerGrid Cortana Running Shoes

Again, when I hit one of my goals my (first) reward was a pair of certified running shoes. I had never been to a real store for that, so one Saturday morning I went and had my feet assessed. The associate showed me 3 or 4 pairs that would accommodate my feet, but you know me, I had to request something with pink in it. I know it sounds vain, but I seriously can't have an ugly pair of shoes and to me the only white shoes I wear are my Reebok's (which EVERYONE makes fun of me for LOL) so I've always had black shoes to work out in. For some reason they just look better, but that's just my opinion. :) These shoes are great because it seriously feels like I am running on air. The toe area of the shoe is light and airy so my feet don't sweat or get that raunchy feeling (or smell!). The only part I don't like is when we use the basketball court at the gym at boot camp my feet slide around in them so when I go on Saturdays I usually where my all black Nike's that grip more. Other than that, they are the best pair of workout shoes I have owned.

10. RockMyRun.com

I know I have already told you guys how much I love this site a few weeks ago, but seriously I don't think I would be as motivated to run if it weren't for these mixes! When I first joined, they were in trial phase and offering a limited amount of free mixes, but now you have to buy credits which aren't too expensive. It had been awhile since I downloaded a new mix and Shannon told me about the credits. Luckily I got 10 credits for being one of the first groups to try out the site. I can go through a 45-60 min mix in a couple sessions and they are only 1-2 credits each. You get one credit per month so if you aren't a habitual or long distance runner (like me) you can essentially get one free 45 minute mix per month! I love it because they have every genre to choose from. Lately (thanks to my BFF Brittany) I have been into the upbeat House mixes to run to. :)

No wedding posts?

So, I know a lot of people suggested that I blog about wedding stuff. I go through these phases where I can't think of things to write about, so I asked my facebook fam for some ideas. I never wanted this blog to be just about weight loss because well... that's boring.

The truth is, I don't want everyone reading about my wedding. Planning a wedding is the most fun part, so if everyone knows about every little detail, what fun would the wedding be? I would rather wait until after I get all the pictures and post them on here for you to see. So don't expect much out of me on here when it comes to our wedding other than vague comments on posts about booking a vendor. I do have a group website where I blog about wedding stuff, so if you are lucky enough to get the link from me you might be able to see some of my wedding planning journey! Sorry y'all :o) but I will leave you with this...

226 days until I become Mrs. K-Swope!!!!!!!!!!!